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From the Sandbox
By Sanders Lightfoot
10/26/2004 7:25 PM EST
Courtesy of
http://www.sportsinsights.com
OJ in a 49’er uniform. Willie Mays “chasing down”
fly balls in Shea Stadium. Martina Navratalova touring the World Team
Tennis circuit…..ummmmm, wait a second. I already wrote that last
week. I think my editor published the wrong article. Or my band played
the wrong song. Or my drummer cued up a bad audio track, or something.
No! Wait! I actually have acid reflux, so I was
going to simulate writing this week’s article to save myself for next
week. I mean, carpel tunnel syndrome. Oh boy, what would Ashlee
Simpson do at this point?
Come on. You thought that was funny, watching the
genetically-deprived sibling of starlet Jessica Simpson flounder on live
television in Milli Vanilli-esque fashion. Be honest, you almost
enjoyed it as much as watching the Sox beat the Yankees. Didn’t you?
Speaking of which, I’m already tired of Boston.
Their teams. Their fans. Their gripping story lines. Do not get me
wrong, I do not hate Boston. I’m just tired of hearing about Boston,
seeing Boston, talking about Boston.
As much as I love the city (I once called it home),
its citizens (I still call many of them friends), and the bartenders at
the Pour House (a free plug cannot hurt), I just do not think they are
ready for the national spotlight. Face it Boston, you are overexposed
already and it’s not even Halloween.
Hey, speaking of overexposed, here’s a hint: if you
guys are serious about being one of the premier sports cities in
America, you cannot have Ben Affleck as your spokesperson.
Rudy Giuliani, now there’s a sports spokesman.
Right now, as we speak, I think he is personally drawing up blueprints
for a retractable dome stadium that will float down the Hudson River and
single-handedly serve as a convention center, football field, baseball
field and landing pad for aliens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Sox won. Yanks
lost. Pats win. Jets lose. Boston has gay marriage. New York has New
Jersey and its gay governor. So what? Boston’s nothing but trouble.
Ok, maybe I am just bitter because I doubled up in
game 7 of the ALCS to try to cover my game 6 loss. Where’d that get
me? I come back this weekend to recoup some losses by taking the Jets,
and the best they can do is push. I pay $50 cab fare so some chick can
get from Middleton to Quincy, and I get fake digits.
You know what Boston, good for you. But be
careful, as Ashlee Simpson has proven, eventually the Devil is going to
come around to collect his markers. Let’s just hope he comes around by
this Sunday, because I like Pittsburgh at home, getting three. (I’ve
gotta get that cab fare back somehow.)
Sitting here watching the Bengals try to find a way
to lose this Monday Night Football game, I’d like to present Marvin
Lewis with this week’s freaklenty asked questions:
Inside the 10, up by 7 and you don’t kick a field
goal? What are you thinking? Seriously, don’t you know that you are
the Bengals?
What do coaches have against running a play action
quarterback bootleg inside the five yard line? Doesn’t anyone watch the
Vikings play?
Nice uniforms. Wait, I need a question. Oh screw
it, those uniforms are beyond question.
See, the play action quarterback bootleg inside the
five works every time, right? So when will people start listening to
me?
Hey, everyone’s got them these days, so here are my
picks, pans and props:
Pick of the Week: Arizona (+3), NY Giants (+7),
Houston (-1.5), Kansas City (+1). Take your pick. Heck, take them
all. Tease them by seven. Laugh all the way to the bank.
Pan: That male skater who dropped his female
partner on her face. Hey guy, your only role in this equation is to not
drop the chick on her face.
Prop: Am I really writing about figure skating on
Sports Insights? No (-250)
Props to my bro for leading his freshman football
team to an undefeated season despite never having played or coached
organized football. I guess it just goes to show how important PS2’s
John Madden 2005 really is.
Sanders Lightfoot, author and columnist, appears
courtesy of 100 Proof Publishing and Sports Insights. Email your
questions, comments and concerns to
sanderslightfoot@hotmail.com
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