SportsInsights

Last month was a very good month for us.  If you were going to compare it the career of Billy Zabka, Hollywood’s favorite character villian, November was the Karate Kid/Just One of the Guys/European Vacation/Back to School era.  December, on the other hand, has been more like the Shootfighter II/High Voltage/Roomies stretch of Zabka’s career.  For all of you out there that do not follow Billy Zabka’s filmography as closely as my buddy Rich Fishman or Mrs. Zabka, let’s just say that December has been a bit rough.

With no college football on the slate this weekend, Sunday’s handle was up compared to recent weeks, but the influx of activity only made the pain of losing harder to handle.  Big games were the soup du jour at the cyberbookie café, and we lost them all.  We managed to stem the tide through a combination of volume, minor wins and basketball games.  However, you can not make money by simply mitigating losses.  Every once in a while you are going to have to land one big score on a Sunday.

For the second consecutive week, we needed the Monday Night Football game to help balance out the profit and loss statement.  All of Oasis’ eyes kept a careful watch on the Philadelphia vs. Miami game.  While both sides were winners for us, thanks to a few wiseguys who fired the limit right before kickoff, a Miami win would help break up teasers and push the weekend’s deficit a little closer to the black.  The only problem for me was that the game aired directly opposite of HBO’s presentation of “Getting There,” a madcap, romantic teen comedy starring the Olsen Twins.  To say that my loyalties were torn was an understatement.

Since my interest in the Miami game was only slightly ahead of my healthy admiration for America’s favorite underage sex symbols, I spent the night rapidly surfing between ABC and HBO, trying to catch every snap without missing a moment of the campy dialogue or situational melodrama.  However, my remote-driving skills are nowhere near where they once were.  So, instead of having the ultimate television viewing experience, I missed all the major plays, as well as all of the crucial plot developments.  Unfortunately for me, I did manage to catch was every Lisa Guerrero’s sideline interview. 

When the night was over, I was left with nothing but Vertigo and the following unanswered questions:

Who told Ricky Williams he looks good with that hairdo?

Is the sassy little spitfire Mary-Kate?  Or is it Ashley?

Um, exactly who thought Donovan McNabb was overrated?

You are 16?  You drive a convertible Mustang?  And your parents are going to let you and five friends drive from LA to Salt Lake City to see the Olympics?  Non-stop shennanigans ensue involving ski slopes, heated swimming pool and hot tubs, and no one accidentally gets naked?

Can any NFL team be less clutch than the Miami Dolphins?

Exactly when does Dave Wannstadt’s deal with the devil expire? 

Are we ever going to win a major decision during the month of December?

Stay tuned the rest of the month to see if these and other questions ever get answered.  But more importantly, check back in two years to see if we’ll get any accidental nudity in an Olsen Twins movie.