SportsInsights

The big ticket games kicked off early and most of the money followed.  Most folks let it ride early, and win or lose, they were content to live with the outcome.  Since few people wanted any action at the end of the day, I am now forced to sit in a darkened office for the second consecutive week and watch an over-produced ESPN broadcast of an Alabama Crimson Tide game.  Since there is no major decision at hand, I do not even have the benefit of a rooting interest to pass the time, but the television magic that is  transpiring before my eyes far outweighs any financial benefit that we can possibly receive from this game.   

The day started off on a good note as our handle was up and the public was firing big on marquee matchups.  Ohio State/Michigan and  Penn State/Michigan State were the obvious big money games, but folks liked Northwestern/Illinois and Iowa St/Kansas as alternative ways to make some money on the day.  All four games made up the overwhelming majority of our action; therefore, it was only fitting that all four games made up the overwhelming majority of our losses. 

It was a clean sweep.  We did not even manage to steal a minor victory on the morning, and the public rolled us the way…well, the way we have been rolling them all month.  While Michigan looked as if they might let a victory slip away with some late game miscues, the Wolverines rebounded and covered.  Penn State was outmatched from the start and Michigan State rolled.  Northwestern and Kansas both took care of business, marking a horrible start to the day.

After the early games had been graded, Steve Stone, digging into his homemade meatloaf, calmly announced, “Well, you gotta give some at back once in a while.”

Like a deer in headlights, I froze, not sure what I had just heard.  I peeked my head around my computer monitor to see if my ears were deceiving me.  But before I could question his last statement, Steve declared “Did you know President Garfield was assassinated.  Garfield.  Who knew?”

I then quickly realized that Steve, still suffering from a root canal gone wrong, was hopped up on pain killers and clearly not himself.  If we were going to come back from this deficeit, we were going to have to do it without our fearless line general.  So, we strapped ourselves in and got ready for an unprecedented run.  A run like no other this season. 

Major decisions came in one after another, and they were all winners.  Iowa plus two and a half:  Winner.  Maryland minus one on the road: Winner.  Mississippi plus six and a half:  Winner.  San Jose plus seven:  Winner.  When we are getting San Jose on a major decision, things are going our way.  Although a Cal cover prevented us from claiming every major victory on the late games, our effort was enough to put us up a sizable amount for the day. 

Now, I am sitting in the aforementioned darkened office watching Alabama drag and claw it’s way to two first half points, and then, without warning all that is wrong in the universe came to light as I witnessed the following bit of television history:

ESPN Announcer: Now, let’s go down to Adrian Karsten with a special guest.

Adrian Karsten:  We are down here with an Alabama male cheerleader who has quite a story.  You see, he was a male cheerleader at Auburn, but then transferred to Alabama much to the chagrin of his grandfather, father and mother, all Auburn grads.  (Turns to the male cheerleader)  What made you transfer?  

Male Cheerlader:  Well, Adrian.  I spent four great years at Auburn, but I wanted to be closer to my girlfriend (pulls Alabama cheerleader girlfriend into frame), so I transferred. 

Adrian Karsten:  Isn’t it hard to root against Auburn after all those years and all those family ties?

Male Cheerleader:  It’s a little hard, but I’m a cheerleader.  I have a job to do.

That bit of magic sparked the following exchange:

Me:  Did he just say that cheerleading is a job?

Tony Spinner:  Forget about that.  He transferred in his fifth year of college to be a cheerleader with his girlfriend.

Me:  Can gay guys even have girlfriends?

Tony Spinner:  I am not sure.

While that scene made the entire day worth it, the night got even better as Washington and Missouri came up winners.  Alabama eventually covered with a last minute touchdown, putting us up pretty big on the day.  But it would have been just another day at the office without the male cheerleading squad from ‘Bama.  Thanks Tide.