From the Sandbox
By Sanders Lightfoot
11/07/2004 6:44 PM EST
Courtesy of http://www.sportsinsights.com
“Halfway through the 2004 season, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the professional sports underground. Today, still wanted by the adoring fans across the country, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the…NFL A-Team.”
Col. John “Hannibal” Smith – Can there be a more obvious choice to portray George Peppard’s last notable character than Bill Belichick. OK, maybe Belichick and his cut-off sweatshirts are more South Boston than Hollywood Hills, but this guy is as savvy as they come. He manages everything from play calling to player egos to player extracurricular affairs. Try to find me another coach in this league that can convince his star quarterback that it is more advantageous to score on the field than it is to score off it.
Sgt. Bosco “B.A.” Baracus – You need a tough as nails bad ass that has killed people? How about Ray Lewis? Ok, maybe he did not technically kill anyone, but he has not technically stopped a legitimate running attack all season either, so let’s not split hairs. Do you remember what B.A.’s character flaw was? He was afraid to fly. Do you know what Ray’s tragic flaw is? He’s afraid to tackle. Hey Ray, don’t sweat it. Mr. T lived off his reputation for years. You are certainly entitled to skate for a couple of seasons. But do not be surprised if run heavy teams have a field day with the once vaunted Ravens defense in the second half of the season.
Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck – Come on. When it comes to international playboys, no one beats Broadway “Kiss Me Susie” Joe Namath, but Tom Brady has to come pretty close. The only question at this point in his young career is “Who gets more chicks in Boston, Tom Brady or Theo Epstein?”
Capt. “Howling Mad” Murdock – You want crazy? Look no further than Keyshawn Johnson. This guy is out of his mind. First he writes a “look at me I’m over here now” book following a rookie season in which his team went 1-15. Then he orchestrates his own exit from New York before getting fired by the Bucs. And for the kicker, he threatens to spank Fox sideline reporter Pam Oliver, finally proving that he may not be that crazy after all.
A-Team: The Movie – You knew it was coming, the ill-advised over-produced theatrical production of the once entertaining original. Kinda like the St. Louis Rams.
T. and T. – The disappointing, poorly conceived spin-off that never captured the magic of Mr. T’s original character. Oh, did someone say Carolina?
As long as you keep answering, I’ll keep asking. So, here is this week’s addition of freaklently asked questions:
What the hell am I talking about?
Hey, if you Giants fans think Michael Strahan is going to come back all the way from this arm injury, why don’t you ask the Patriots fans what Ted Johnson is up to these days?
Seriously, can someone get me CNN sportscaster Michelle Bonner’s phone number?
Exactly how many fighter jets does it take to down an elementary school?
Who does not think the Steelers are for real? Oh, you don’t? Tell you what, do you mind if I get back to you in January?