From the Sandbox
By Sanders Lightfoot
10/26/2004 7:25 PM EST
Courtesy of http://www.sportsinsights.com
OJ in a 49’er uniform. Willie Mays “chasing down” fly balls in Shea Stadium. Martina Navratalova touring the World Team Tennis circuit…..ummmmm, wait a second. I already wrote that last week. I think my editor published the wrong article. Or my band played the wrong song. Or my drummer cued up a bad audio track, or something.
No! Wait! I actually have acid reflux, so I was going to simulate writing this week’s article to save myself for next week. I mean, carpel tunnel syndrome. Oh boy, what would Ashlee Simpson do at this point?
Come on. You thought that was funny, watching the genetically-deprived sibling of starlet Jessica Simpson flounder on live television in Milli Vanilli-esque fashion. Be honest, you almost enjoyed it as much as watching the Sox beat the Yankees. Didn’t you?
Speaking of which, I’m already tired of Boston. Their teams. Their fans. Their gripping story lines. Do not get me wrong, I do not hate Boston. I’m just tired of hearing about Boston, seeing Boston, talking about Boston.
As much as I love the city (I once called it home), its citizens (I still call many of them friends), and the bartenders at the Pour House (a free plug cannot hurt), I just do not think they are ready for the national spotlight. Face it Boston, you are overexposed already and it’s not even Halloween.
Hey, speaking of overexposed, here’s a hint: if you guys are serious about being one of the premier sports cities in America, you cannot have Ben Affleck as your spokesperson.
Rudy Giuliani, now there’s a sports spokesman. Right now, as we speak, I think he is personally drawing up blueprints for a retractable dome stadium that will float down the Hudson River and single-handedly serve as a convention center, football field, baseball field and landing pad for aliens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Sox won. Yanks lost. Pats win. Jets lose. Boston has gay marriage. New York has New Jersey and its gay governor. So what? Boston’s nothing but trouble.
Ok, maybe I am just bitter because I doubled up in game 7 of the ALCS to try to cover my game 6 loss. Where’d that get me? I come back this weekend to recoup some losses by taking the Jets, and the best they can do is push. I pay $50 cab fare so some chick can get from Middleton to Quincy, and I get fake digits.
You know what Boston, good for you. But be careful, as Ashlee Simpson has proven, eventually the Devil is going to come around to collect his markers. Let’s just hope he comes around by this Sunday, because I like Pittsburgh at home, getting three. (I’ve gotta get that cab fare back somehow.)
Sitting here watching the Bengals try to find a way to lose this Monday Night Football game, I’d like to present Marvin Lewis with this week’s freaklenty asked questions:
Inside the 10, up by 7 and you don’t kick a field goal? What are you thinking? Seriously, don’t you know that you are the Bengals?
What do coaches have against running a play action quarterback bootleg inside the five yard line? Doesn’t anyone watch the Vikings play?
Nice uniforms. Wait, I need a question. Oh screw it, those uniforms are beyond question.
See, the play action quarterback bootleg inside the five works every time, right? So when will people start listening to me?
Hey, everyone’s got them these days, so here are my picks, pans and props:
Pick of the Week: Arizona (+3), NY Giants (+7), Houston (-1.5), Kansas City (+1). Take your pick. Heck, take them all. Tease them by seven. Laugh all the way to the bank.
Pan: That male skater who dropped his female partner on her face. Hey guy, your only role in this equation is to not drop the chick on her face.
Prop: Am I really writing about figure skating on Sports Insights? No (-250)
Props to my bro for leading his freshman football team to an undefeated season despite never having played or coached organized football. I guess it just goes to show how important PS2’s John Madden 2005 really is.
Sanders Lightfoot, author and columnist, appears courtesy of 100 Proof Publishing and Sports Insights. Email your questions, comments and concerns to firstname.lastname@example.org