Dec 13 2003
By Wilson King
Football Sports Betting – Inside the college football betting lines
Last week, I took up some valuable time and space to pen a little “how to” guide for my new pal Harrison. While my intentions were as pure as the snow that fell on the northeast this weekend, I thought that my heartfelt prose would have helped me pick up at least a few chicks in the process. But alas, when all the results were in, I was left sitting empty handed, like a Manning at a Heisman Trophy ceremony.
Speaking of the Heisman, now that the pomp and circumstance surrounding college football’s most coveted award has come and gone, complete with one hour and fifty-nine more minutes of television coverage than is necessary, we can turn attention to the highly anticipated bowl season, which features about three-thousand more minutes of television coverage than is necessary.
With so many bowl games kicking off between now and January 4th, it will be hard to keep track of all of the action. So, in an attempt to help focus your attention on the truly meaningful bowls, if there is such a thing, here is Oasis Casino’s annual “Bowls to Stay Away From Guide,” an in depth look at which bowl games are not even worth your attention this holiday season.
NEW ORLEANS BOWL (New Orelans, LA) – December 16 – Memphis vs. North Texas
North Texas? Wasn’t that the football team in “Necessary Roughness?” You know, the football movie where Scott Bakula, Sinbad and Kathy Ireland, of all people, lead an NCCA sanction-riddled football team to national championship.
On a side note, does anyone know what Kathy Ireland has been up to lately? I think she may have started a discount women’s clothing line, but I would like to get confirmation.
Oh, right. The New Orleans Bowl. Do Memphis and North Texas even have football teams?
[Ed. Note: We are looking into this.]
LAS VEGAS BOWL (Las Vegas, NV) – December 24 – Oregon State vs. New Mexico
You are telling me that they are going to play a college football game on the eve of the birth of the baby Jesus? In Las Vegas? With all those hookers and crystalmeth?
Genius. Pure genius.
SHERATON HAWAII BOWL (Honolulu, HI) – December 25 – Houston vs. Hawaii
Originally slated to take place in France and be called the Paris Hilton Bowl, sponsorship talks broke down after event organizers confirmed that the venue refused to accommodate more than one fan at a time.
EV1.NET HOUSTON BOWL (Houston, TX) – December 30 – Navy vs. Texas Tech
Um, fellas? Dot com sponsored bowl games went out with Paris Hilton jokes.
GAYLORD HOTELS MUSIC CITY BOWL (Nashville, TN) December 31 – Wisconsin vs. Auburn
OK Focker, I’ll bite. What’s a Gaylord Hotel?
NOKIA SUGAR BOWL (New Orleans, LA) January 4 – Oklahoma vs. LSU
Go ahead. Try to tell me that college football does not need a playoff system.
Happy bowl hunting!